Surgery again

So tomorrow is another surgery. Not major, BUT it's a fistualgram and anytime they're messin with the veins, especially the ones connected to the heart, there's always a chance that something could go wrong. Now I never really usually worry about it, really any surgeries, but the more I have, the more I kindof have that small bit of worry. If something happens to me, what will Jason do? I don't want him to be alone and I don't want Daisy to be alone :( But I have to wonder, would my parents even care. Always in the back of mind (ok, the front) I wonder if Dad would be happier without me around. It's like he just doesen't want me around, but I don't think I'll ever understand why. I love my siblings to death and everything I do around is in their best interest. I would never, ever do anything that would harm them or cause them to do wrong. I don't know if he thinks I'm going to be a bad example, but if we look back at my life, I'm happily married, I've been through everything healthwise, I volunteer with animals, I volunteer at the church and I help out almost anytime I'm asked. I realize I am anything but perfect, but I shouldn't be considered a bad example. I love my siblings SO much. I love that I have so many. I just wished Dad would consider me one of the family. It's like now that I'm older and out of the house, I don't matter and I don't count as part of the family and that's bogus. You don't get cut off just because you don't live at home.  I love being around them and doing stuff with them. It's so much fun and I wish I wasn't blacklisted.Soooo frustrating and stresses me out so much and all the time. I don't think my parents realize how much stress this puts on me. Don't shut me out. I haven't done anything wrong. I love my family.