so tired

I don't want to be melodramatic, but I'm so tired of life. I'm tired of dialysis and EVERYTHING that goes with it. (the swelling, the way my arm looks, the fluid restrictions, the phosphorous restrictions, the feeling tired ALL The time) All this time is passing me by and nothing is happening. What's the point of being on the list? Is a kidney ever going to come?  I'm not doing anything. I spend MWF for 3 1/2 hours at dialysis, then the rest of the day either sleeping or watching TV. Tues and Thurs, I get up even though I want to keep sleeping, go to work when really I just want to be sleeping. All the time I'm doing other things all I can think about is sleeping, but what a waste of time it is :( I don't think I'm a good enough wife because I'm too tired/lazy to be one. To cook, to clean. I feel like I'm a waste of space. I think about how life would be if I was like George Bailey and hadn't been born. And I know the person that would be most affected by that would be Jason and I love him probably even more than I know. He keeps me sane, calms me down, lets me cry and yell! It was all God that put us together, that's the only explanation because we are the most opposite people I know. Two that could have never gotten together, but we are and we work. Through good and so many bads, we work because God put us together. And maybe that's what I've forgotten. But sometimes I don't know where God is because I don't understand why I have to through. There's the saying that God won't give you more than you can handle. I think God is given me too much credit. I hate to be that person, but WHY ME? I'm so very tired. Tired of it all.